i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize