I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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