I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
