The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
