no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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