Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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