you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize