Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
