I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
