i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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