people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
