I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize