i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's shark week go big or go home
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
