Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
