they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
