her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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