I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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