dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
