I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
