idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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