i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
