wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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