She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
