we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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