I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
