i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize