if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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