every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
