You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
