Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
