So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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