My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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