bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
