Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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