There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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