I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
