your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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