I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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