Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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