Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
