I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
