the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
