i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
