She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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