i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
