it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
