You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
