A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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