so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
