two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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