i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
