im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
