I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
