No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
