everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
sex in a hospital.. check
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
