his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
