Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
