mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
