he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
