after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I want her autograph on my taint
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
