We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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