I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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