Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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