tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
