bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
