He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
