He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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