I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
