can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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