I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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