just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
